My Last Breath
by ShadowPassinThru
Summary: Songfic. Remus/Sirius. Right after GoF Sirius comes to find the one last thing he was holding on to.


**Title: My Last Breath**

**Author: Kayla**

**Summary: Post GoF, Remus and Sirius talk. Done, but very different from most.**

**Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling claims ownership of Harry Potter, and our boys. Evanescence claims ownership of the song, "My Last Breath." I claim ownership of this plot, though some might say Evanescence owns it, since the idea came from their song. Hehe... my rambling of the day.**

**Feedback: KAYKEL1207@msn.com**

**Archive: Azkaban's Lair (if wanted), fanfiction.net, anywhere else ask.**

**Spoilers: PoA, slight OoTP**

  


_**Hold on to me love**_

_**You know I can't stay long**_

_**all I wanted to say**_

_**was I love you and I'm not afraid**_

  


"**Remus," I begged, standing at his doorstep, a look I know must come off as desperate on my face. He looks back tiredly, and I suddenly remember that the full moon ended only yesterday. Poor Remus, he looks so old right now. **

  


"**Sirius?" he asks my name with a wavering sound. "Sirius, tell me that it's you this time. Really you..."**

  


"**Remus?" I ask, suddenly feeling concern swarm me. I am worried about him. When has he seen illusions of me? Why has he? "What have you seen, love?"**

  


**He flinches, and I know I should not have addressed him so affectionately. It was foolish to play with his emotions that way. He chokes, as though embarrassed. Doesn't he remember how we used to spend our most painful nights? Together... talking it through, telling each other everything.**

  


"**Siri," he croaks weakly. "I've seen you every night in dreams, since you were taken from me. Some nights... they seem real. Especially close to the full moon, when I go a little insane. You must believe... I'm all right."**

  


"**I don't believe it," I say harshly. I do not think that he is okay. They've been letting my love go alone too long. Where were his companions all these years? Did they leave him alone, the way so many had? Remus did not have anyone to help him in his suffering. It was most likely because he watched the one he loved, me, go to supposed darkness. **

  


"**Come in," he says, ignoring my last comment like only Remus could. I follow him into his small and dark shack of a house. It's so cold in here, I wonder how he endures it. The light from his small fireplace seems to light up his paled face. I still love him so much. Like my Remus, I too have been filled with dreams of the past and present. It has been agony.**

  


"**Sirius, things have changed..." he says weakly.**

  


"**Some of them," I say, using my eyes to try and let him know that I still love him. I still feel like he is the other half of my soul. I am nothing without him.**

  


"**Sir-" he says, but I don't allow his calm reasoning to enter my rash decision. Most of the times, in our past, my rash thinking caused us pain. Yet, tonight... it helped us. I pulled Remus's frail body into my arms, and kissed him deeply. He shut himself from the kiss for a moment, but then he allowed me to move deeply into his open mouth. As I pulled off of him I said, "I cannot stay long Remus, Dumbledore will be calling me back soon, due to new developments. Looks like the Order of the Phoenix is back."**

  


_**Can you hear me?**_

_**Can you feel me in your arms?**_

  


"**The Order?" he asks, pulling away from me. **

  


"**Yes, the Order," I reply, pulling him back into my arms. I do not wish to let him go at this moment. After a moment's struggle, he obeys. "Voldemort is back, my love... I am sorry to be the one to tell you, but he's back."**

  


**I can feel his body go limp in my arms. I am surprised to see, when I look in his eyes, that he is conscious, yet he had just let go helplessly due to the news. I do not blame him, for all he's lost last time Voldemort was in power. "I'm sorry Moony," I whispered, rocking him back and forth, as we sat together on his cold floor. "I'm sorry... it will be all right love, this time we'll do it together. I will not abandon you, and go cold... I will be here."**

**  
"Please," he said, looking up at me, his eyes flickering angrily. "Tell me how it happened?"**

  


**I tell him all that happened to my godson. By the end of my story, he is breathing heavily, and I am just shaking, thinking of Wormtail hurting my boy. Now it is Remus's turn to hold me. "Sirius," he says, "you will get revenge on him for hurting Harry."**

  


"**Thank you," I reply.**

  


"**Sirius, are you really here forever?" he asks helplessly. "I do not want you, if I'm going to lose you again."**

  


_**Holding my last breath**_

_**safe inside myself**_

_**are all my thoughts of you**_

_**sweet rapture and light**_

_**it ends here tonight**_

  


_**Silence. **_**I do not know how to answer. The last time the Order of the Phoenix was together, so many of us died, or worse. I cannot promise my love that we will both make it through. "Remus , I can't tell you we will both live full and happy lives. Cause I could be lying to you. Yet, I know we will be together."**

  


"**You're right Siri," he says, "but I'm not looking to die."**

  


"**Me neither," I say laughing. "You and me, Remus, are eternal. They won't break us, ever. We are total survivors."**

**  
He is now crying. I hope I did not hurt him. Then he laughs through the tears. "Yes, we are... and even if they killed you and I , Padfoot, we'd still hold some of the most wonderful things. Memories of better times..."**

  


"**Like when we used to talk late in the night?" I suggest, knowing he used to love talking to me about the hard subjects of life.**

  


"**I connected with you, in ways I'll never connect with anyone else..." Remus sighed dreamily. "I loved you so much, and I'll always have the feeling I got when you helped me through my problems."**

  


"**I don't want to let go of the memory of the first night we were together," Sirius stated boldly. "Or of Lily and James's wedding, when we were dancing. Or of..."**

  


"**Sirius, I get it, we had things that will never go away..."**

  


"**We'll always have those, love, and these times aren't going to steal them."**

  


"**God, I think I still love you."**

  


"**Of course you do," I say smugly. "You still are Remus J. Lupin... are you not?"**

  


**He laughs, letting his beautiful eyes light up. "And you... you are still the arrogant little boy you always were."**

  


_**A world of fragile things**_

_**Look for me in the wide forest**_

_**hiding in a pile of trees**_

  


**Remus lets go of all reserve, and kisses me much deeper than I had earlier. I lean back, and let him down on top of me. Remus was never good at being assertive, but he sure was doing good tonight. "Some things have changed," I whisper.**

**  
"It's different now," he admits, backing out of his kiss. He looks at me, and I can see the age on his face. "I still love you. Yet, you did think me a traitor, and I the same of you. We both did some terrible things over the years, and we aren't teenagers. We're half finished with life, and we've got so much to deal with."**

  


"**Together Remus," I urge. "I did not survive so many years in that Hell they locked me in, just for you to leave me on some cheap excuse. I need you..."**

  


**He is crying for the third or fourth time tonight. "Don't cry Remus ..."**

  


"**I want to be happy for us, I do..." he begs me, "but I can't."**

  


"**Please," I beg.**

  


_**I know you hear me**_

_**I can taste it in your tears**_

  


**I pull him into my arms, letting him lie on top of my flat body. A tear, fallen from his face, touches me, and I brush it off of my skin. He does understand how terrible life really is, but I must make him understand that we will get through it together.**

  


"**You're so tough Remus," I say quietly. "How you survived, I don't know. But I need you tonight..."**

  


"**Fine," he says sharply. "I need you too Sirius, but can't you see how scary it is for me to need again."**

  


"**Independence is all you've had for years Remus," I cry. "Try me for a moment."**

**  
"Yes, I will..." be says, kissing down onto the side of my face. I turn over, and am on top of him. Does this beautiful man realize that I love him completely? More than I've ever loved.**

  


_**Closing your eyes to disappear **_

_**you pray your dreams will lead you here**_

_**but still it isn't true**_

_**no one's their....**_

  


"**Just take one word from me Sirius," he says, leaning close to my body. "This is not a dream, and it is not a miracle that we are together again."  
**  


"**No, my faithless love, it's not... it's a miracle."**

  


**We are a miracle. Remus is afraid to lose again, that is obvious and he has every right to fear loss. He lost everything very young. Yet, he will not lose me... not even if I were to die tonight. We have a forever of memories. This will not be the weak fantasies we've had of what it would be like to be lovers once more, it will be love. Love is not perfect, or blissful. **

  


**Love is real.**

  


  


_**Safe...**_

_**Say goodnight**_

_**don't be afraid**_

  


  


_**A/N: Yes another songfic from me. I say I don't like to write them, but I really do. Please give it a nice review, or a not so nice one if you want... :)**_


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